I am one of the unfortunate people who travel daily by train from the cultural vacuum of Gosford to the corporate snoozefest of North Sydney.
Occasionally while sat alongside my fellow automatons sporting their doom laden expressions of resignation to another arse numbing day of tedium in office purgatory I overhear nuggets of wisdom such as the following: 'The first one was bad enough, then it felt like someone was holding a gun to my head during the second, and I just can't bring myself to start the third'
What was the young woman in question talking about you may ask, well, it was the Twilight series of children's novels. I'm sure you're aware of the Twilight phenomenon, which like the threat of global warming has been hanging over us all for what seems like centuries now, but if not, its a love story between a teenage girl and a century old vampire, with a bit of werewolf action thrown in for good measure. I haven't read the series mind you, as a fully grown adult its not really aimed at me, which is why I turned around to the woman who uttered the aforementioned comment and said:
'Excuse me, if its so bad don't read it then, you are aware that this drivel is aimed at emotionally unstable teenage girls approaching puberty who are craving a bit of escapism and romance aren't you? For pities sake woman, the literary fruits of the greatest minds of the last 2 centuries are at your fingertips, why not try a bit of Tolstoy, some Dostoevsky perhaps, a pinch of Virginia Woolf maybe? But no, you just sit there don't you, filling your brain with such vacuous waffle and then having the gaul to complain about it, no one forced you to read the god awful things did they, the last time I looked Twilight wasn't on the curriculum of English literature degrees, I bet you also sat through the film adaptions didn't you, I bet you shook your head in derision at how utterly tedious the whole thing was, like watching a bad episode of Dawsons Creek spliced together with a bad remake of the Lost Boys, although there was a cheap thrill to be had from watching the male eye candy waltz around with their shirts off I bet, you.... make.... me ....sick.'
Well, I didn't actually say that at all, I just sat in my seat exuding an air of superiority while struggling to understand the pretentious novel I was reading, but the point is valid, how come Twilight has become so darned popular with adults when it is essentially a children's book? It is probably because our minds have been so dumbed down and blunted by the cultural vacuum of modern civilisation that the only literature we can process revolves around irritating little wizards and falling in love with a member of the mythical undead.
That's it from me, I'm off to look at my calender of Robert Pattinson, fingers crossed its an oiled torso shot for November, but before I go, here is a clip of a far more menacing vampire who I was a fan of in my childhood:
Your thoughts on Count Duckula or Twilight would be most appreciated.